Single Parent Bias in the Public School System

“Maybe the reason why she was acting out in class is a result of her dad not living with her.” This was such a shocking biased and discriminatory statement made by my daughter’s principal and as it could be nothing further from the truth, I was unable to fully wrap my head around what was said. I had come to the meeting with the principal in search of direction, empathy, and understanding, as it related to my daughter getting bullied and making comments that she wanted to harm herself.

It was apparent to me that my daughter was not fully able to articulate what was bothering her and as a result acted out in frustration. It was also apparent that after many conversations with the principal, the school board, and school counselors, that the only focus that the school had, was to build a case against my daughter to justify releasing her from the current school back to the school she was zoned for.

As I ponder back on what was spoken to me by the principal just over two years ago, I could not help but also think “How many other single parents have dealt with situations like this?”

There are common biases and stereotypes that are all too often associated with single parents, more directly single mothers and their children, that include, but not limited to the following:

Children are more likely to do poorly in school.

Children are more likely to drop out of school.

Children have lower self-esteem and behavioral issues.

Single-moms are less educated or unemployed.

Single-parent households are considered broken homes.

Although single-parent households do have their fair share of challenges, it is an injustice to blankly associate any bias, whether conscious or unconscious, to this demographic. We are finding though, bias and stereotypes of single parents rear its ugly head in many settings including the educational system.

How many children were written off by their teachers and/or school administrators because of the perceived issues and challenges they face being in a single-parent household? How many children have fallen through the cracks because of teachers who only chose to look at the stereotype instead of the actual child?

Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, discusses in one of her chapters the importance of teachers adopting and practicing a growth mindset towards their students, in efforts to help them succeed beyond any challenges that they face. She made an important statement about some teachers who do not adopt a growth mindset, saying:

“ they believed that students entering their class with different achievement levels were deeply and permanently different.”

She even mentions direct quotes from teachers who thought, through their limited thinking, that they had no influence on their (students) intellectual ability.

Whether through adopting bias or stereotypes or judging a student based on test scores, some teachers give up the higher calling of educating and shaping young minds to be their best. This type of thinking and in essence, writing children off, cannot and should not be tolerated.

In my personal experience with my daughter, we found that the re-assignment to the school she was zoned for, was actually a blessing in disguise. As a result of being kicked out of a school based only on her behavior, my daughter was able to thrive in the new school setting. She was able to have a teacher with a growth mindset, one who saw my daughter beyond living in a single-parent home and encouraged her to be her best.

My daughter, with the right teacher, was able to develop her love for drawing, improve her grades and test scores, as well as getting inducted into an exclusive group of high achievers called Ladies of Distinction. The principal was wrong with her observation of my daughter’s bad behavior thinking it resulted from being raised in a single-parent household; and through her limited thinking, quite possibly got “rid of” what could have been one of her star students. This was her loss and not ours.

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20, and there are many scenarios that I have played over in my mind on what would I have done or said differently when I was presented with the statement “maybe the reason why she was acting out in class is a result of her dad not living with her.” Though I know there is nothing I can do at present to change our experience, I have made it a point to teach other single parents to be better advocates for their children in the public school system, so they will not fall prey to the same.

Regardless of our status as a single parent, our children are not only our heritage, they are our legacy.

Reference

Dweck, Ph.D., Carol S. (2016). Mindset: The New Psychology Of Success. Ballantine Books.